Monday, March 22, 2010
Monday, February 15, 2010
Thursday, February 4, 2010
times are changing. lately, there haven't been many "real" friends anymore. these days, "friends" are people who smile in your face one minute, then turn around & talk about you. i remember back when being somebody's bestfriend was the BEST title anybody could have. now-a-days, being called a bestfriend is an insult, in some situations. at least once in a lifetime, everybody'll have a bestfriend.. and very rarely will somebody keep that same bestfriend throughout their life. i used to think my bestfriend was the BESTfriend in the entire world, until we slowly started drifting apart..
when i lost her as my bestfriend, my life slowly went downhill from there. it's kinda odd, because i never realized that SHE held my life together. & from that day on, i vowed to NEVER let somebody have THAT much influence in my life, of course excluding my little girl. but, as people say, things change over time.
lately, my life has been really hectic. i've been through it all in the past 4 months - breakups - heartbreak - lies - being hated on - deception - tears - lies - smiles - pain - happiness. people say that in your time of need, you'll realize who your REAL friends are. i never used to believe that because i figured that if you were already my friend, you were my real friend. man, was i WRONG. due to recent experiences, i've realized that i have three of the bestfriends anybody could ever ask for.
Kayden K. Brandon - my reason for LIVING. <3
i never thought it would be possible to love someone as much i love this little girl. Kayden is the lovee of my life; i live for her and i'd die for her. being her mother is the BEST title anybody could have ever given me. this little girl is my bestfriend. believe it or not, but i tell my little girl everything, simply because i know that at the end of the day, she's the only person not judging me. she's the only one who i can bet my life on that loves me unconditionally, always & forever - through thick & thin - smiles & tears - good & bad. knowing that there's one person who i'm completely responsible for loving me is the greatest. knowing that at the end of the day, i have something that's mines and nobody else's is the greatest. knowing that for the rest of my life, if i can't depend on anybody catching me when i fall & helping me put the pieces to my heart back together, i can depend on her is the greatest. knowing that she's accepts me - flaws & all , forever, is the greatest. knowing that my little girl, is simply my little girl is the greatest. Kayden is my number one - til death do us part & beyond that. <3
Khasha N. Jones - my muthafuckin HEART. ! <3
god , this girl is really the second love of my life . i love her so damn much , it's weird. it's amazing how much we've grown as friends in such little time. me & her have been through a situation most friends never go through. Khasha talked me out of doing something that would have changed people's lives, mainly my daughter, forever. and words just will never explain how much i love her for that. she loved me when i was too dumb, crazy, & confused to love myself and i don't think she realizes how much i wish i could pay her back, but i can't. no matter how hard i try, i'll never be able to show how much i love, appreciate, and are thankful for her. besides my little girl, nothing or nobody will ever come before her. she's the second love of my life, and forever my heart. <3
Kiara I. Lopes - my one & ONLY. <3>
my wife. my backbone. my lover. i love Kiara so much. she's been there for me from the beginning, & i know she'll be there through the end. i've told Kiara things about me, my daughter, my babyfather, and my family that i'm too ashamed to tell my own blood family. the one thing i love about her is that if i tell her my business, i know it won't get back to my other friends. Kiara is the most kind, caring, sweet person i know & i think that's what makes her SO amazing. she's the best person anybody can know, & i'm so thankful for being blessed with her in my life. she's one friend i never wanna lose, ever. i love being her friend - it's the BESTfeeling, point blank. she's just amazingggg! i gave my heart to her a long time ago, & it's still in mint condition because of her - and i know it'll stay like that. i love her , more than words can tell. <3
Sunday, January 17, 2010
whenever I hear your name.
When you text or call me.
I keep telling myself not to go through this process,
but my heart takes over in success.
My mind fades away and let's my heart lead the way.
But see this is how I ended up here,
without any answers...
you question me for leaving,
yet I question you for continuing to stay.
You were with me when you were talking to her.
Now you're with her talking to me.
How disrespectful can you be?
So manipulative and conniving.
As much as I try to free myself, my heart gets in the way.
It starts to run this marathon of so-called love.
But if you truly loved a person, hurting them continuously would not be involved.
I don't need you nor do I need him.
I like being on my on, I found that out a long time ago.
You make a lot of promises and break every single one of them.
All those apologies were better let unspoken.
You know you didn't mean them, you just spoke them.
I've been the best I could have ever been.
Tolerated the most I could.
Believing in you was a mistake, believing you would ever change.
So many times I have stayed to prove to you I'm here for you,
yet all you did was chase me away.
but you turn around and say you'll do one thing,
yet the next day you're back to the same old routine.
It's not me it's you.
It's always been you.
You seem to like hurting people but I will no longer allow you to.
I don't care how this makes you feel.
Because what I'm saying is real.
Replacing me is like trying to erase me, we both know its not feasible.
I'm done, for good.
Unless you have an explanation for what you have done?
Tuesday, December 29, 2009
One minute you say you care, the next it's not even about me.
Love? What does that even mean.
I'm not sure I like this, this crazy feeling...
It has me up at night smiling sometimes and others with tears in my eyes.
Nothing seems right but nothing seems wrong either.
My heart filled with such compassion towards people, who don't..
who don't even seem to care about me!
So why must I try? When it's obviously not about me.
I try, and trying gets me no-where.
When all I want to be is somewhere, with a person who cares.
Who really does care, who's not just saying that.
But it seems like nothing..
Is good enough for you.
What more can I do?
I try to be reasonable, I try to be understanding..
but my feelings.
You don't even seem to acknowledge them.
Why should I bother?
Why should I care?
Because I'm compassionate about someone I love...
Because I DO CARE !
I can't be perfect, no matter how hard I try.
But I promise to love you until the day that I die.
and even after that.
My love for you is real and true.
Perfect, is not what I am.
It's not what I can be.
I accept you being imperfect.
So why don't YOU accept ME
Saturday, December 19, 2009
oh yes, i love her like pussy, money, weed.
---- before you think i'm talkin bout you, think again`, my man.
Thursday, December 17, 2009
this is crazy.
too many people in one situation. technically, on ONE SIDE. i dont know if i could go` back to the way i use`d to be but im not going` down that path.. with her. its better this way.
that way "I" dont get` hurt. this one person got` me thinkin`..maybe i should've never` left `em. but its just too hard to go` back. ehh, backtrackin`! lets just leave it cause` now i wish i never met you.